Upon going through some old Metal Hammer magazines, I came across a top ten list that may cause a bit of a chuckle...
From the February 2009 edition of Metal Hammer:
Top 10 Metal Trends That Sucked
- Spandex
Even the most attractive and well-proportioned genitals fail to make this skin-tight nightmare add anything to the metal scene other than a new level of horror.
- Rapping
Rage Against The Machine made it seem like a decent idea. But then every chubby berk in massive strides decided to have a go. We cheered when it stopped.
- Make-Up And Hairspray
As much as we love Mötley Crüe and Poison, did they really have to look like mutant glamour models after a car accident? We were never confused. Honest.
- Pretending To Be Evil
Ooh, he’s standing in the forest! Ooh, he’s scowling! Ooh, he’s waving a fiery torch in the air! Ooh, his name’s Tarquin and he’s late home for his tea. Pillock.
- Actually Being Evil
A bit of inter-band rivalry is one thing, but stabbing up a fellow musician because he called you ‘pooface’ is really pushing it. We’re looking at you, Varg. Behave!
- White Metal
These days, Christian metal has somehow shrugged off it’s general air of
über-lameness. But did anyone ever take Stryper seriously? Sweet Lord in
heaven, no!
- Loincloths
It doesn’t get much more metal than Manowar. However it doesn’t get much more homo-erotic than Manowar wearing tatty bits of cloth around their oiled-up
nadgers. Yikes.
- Cybergoth
Nothing dates faster than half-arsed visions of the future. And nothing looks more
eye-rapingly dismal than grown men with ratty dreaklocks wearing rubber string vests. Cybergit, more like.
- Comedy Beards
Blame Scott Ian. Blame that bloke from System Of A Down. Whoever started it, the beards-plus-dye look is never going to stop sucking. Fact.
- Kung Fu Dancing
One minute, you’re enjoying a nice pint. The next, it’s been jettisoned into orbit by some gurning tool in a vest. Kindly bring back the mosh pit before we get
cross.
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| Comedy Beards? Does this look like a comedy beard? |
