(Excuse the expletive title, but it truly
is an appropriate representation of my feelings.)
The battle vest,
patch vest, jacket… Whatever you refer to it as, it’s an essential piece in the
closet of many metalheads. Once upon a time, a post appeared on a local store’s
social media page suggesting that they should sell pre-made or pre-assembled
battle jackets. My first reaction was an immediate, resounding exclamation of
“what the fuck? Seriously?”. Followed by laughter, followed by a slight feeling
of offense. Surprising how such an offhand comment could elicit such an
emotional response and still leave me discussing it, and frankly, still shaking
my head in bewilderment countless weeks later.
Battle
vests are such an integral piece of clothing within the metal community. They
are an expression of individuality and a symbol of comradery. All in the form
of a seemingly simple piece of outerwear covered in a multitude of band
patches. Go to any metal show or festival and you’ll see a variety of battle
jackets. Each one is somewhat unique, showcasing the wearer’s individual style
and some of the bands that they enjoy. So, the question becomes one of how a
pre-made battle jacket fits into the picture. In my opinion, the answer is
pretty simple. It doesn’t. Which leads to another question: why doesn’t it
work, and why would a long-time metalhead have such strong feelings about it?
Consider
the battle jackets you’ve seen. They’re all different. Some follow specific
themes, containing all thrash bands, following a colour theme such as
exclusively black and white patches, some with a random splattering of bands
from numerous sub-genres. Some are denim, usually either black or dark blue.
Leather is another popular choice, particularly amongst black metal listeners.
Pins and spikes are other common adornments. Some jackets are pristine, others
look like they’ve seen their fair share of mosh pits and spilled beer. Battle
vests can become a conversation point. Many conversations are started with
“hey, sick ‘insert band name here’ patch!”.
Battle
vests should tell a story. And not just a story about walking into a store,
grabbing one off a hanger and ending there. While some choose to acquire all of
their chosen patches before constructing a vest, others build their vests over
time, adding patches as they’re acquired. They often represent years of
investment in time, planning and money. At least on the surface. Talk to many
owners of a battle vest and they’ll probably relay a story about acquiring
those patches. Some acquisitions involve scouring the internet for hours in
search of that specific, perfect find. Depending on personal opinions (and
maybe ethics), sometimes that perfect find isn’t even officially licensed or
endorsed, but usually represents something rare. (Case in point: one of the Morbid
patches on my own jacket).
Many
other patches are acquired online through the individual webshops of bands.
Sometimes contacting a smaller band directly will result in new additions to
the battle jacket as well. These finds always feel a bit more satisfying than
buying from a wholesaler or big record label website, but it all depends on
what a particular metalhead listens to. For example, you’d be pretty likely to
find an Iron Maiden patch almost anywhere that sells patches but you’d have a
more difficult time finding a patch from a small folk metal band. Either way,
opening the mail is always exciting when you’re waiting for new patches to
arrive.
Other
times it becomes a mission to hunt down patches at shops that sell band merch
and music. With these becoming fewer and farer between, it’s a small victory to
actually find something good. Sometimes the best shops are in other cities and
it becomes an excuse for a road trip, or a hunt to find other neat local stores
when venturing away from home. Usually it’s a good excuse to do something with
friends and hopefully snag that unique patch before your friend notices.
Of
course some of the best stories behind patches come from the ones acquired at
shows. They’re a reminder forever after of that particular concert, brining
back memories and points to reminisce over. It’s always a bonus when bands
bring patches as part of their touring merch, especially considering they’re
usually fairly priced and there’s no shipping costs or wait times to contend with.
As
previously mentioned, creating an individual vest is a major investment of time
and money. If you hand-sew your patches, you know exactly how much time it
takes. And the amount of times you inevitably stab your fingers. Even with a
sewing machine, it’s pretty time-consuming unless you’re very adept at sewing.
Plus, that comes with it’s own challenges of broken needles, re-threading
bobbins and having sewing machines ‘explode’ in the process, taking hours and
endless frustration to put back together without an instruction manual. (That
one is from personal experience). Admittedly, I’ve also lost a few patches
along the way that I still can’t find, despite ripping my house apart in
pursuit of them. I doubt I’m the only one who has experienced this frustration.
Looking
strictly at the money aspect, it would be, quite frankly, stupid for any store
to sell a pre-assembled battle jacket. To start with, a new vest or jacket (not
thrifted, up-cycled etc) is going to likely be a minimum of fifty bucks. Start
adding the cost of patches, and you’re talking a good chunk of money. A back
patch probably runs somewhere in the realm of twenty dollars, give or take.
Looking at my own vest as an example, the average cost of smaller individual
patches is between seven and eight dollars, factoring in differing prices and
shipping costs paid on some of them. Currently, I have fifty-one patches and a
back patch, some of which aren’t even sewn onto my vest yet. Using seven
dollars and fifty cents as an average price, and adding in another twenty for
the back patch, that’s slightly over four hundred dollars worth of patches.
Granted, that has been spread over many years, but it’s still a staggering
amount of money for something that seems pretty simple. And I didn’t add the
cost of the vest itself, as it was a gift.
Considering this, plus the labour involved,
there is no way that any store is going to be able to add their profit margin
into the mix and have a product sitting on a shelf that someone is willing to
pay the asking price for. (This
immediately comes to mind concerning the particular store in which the original
social media comment was directed toward as they tend to charge some pretty
outrageous markups). There are some very talented individuals willing to do
custom orders for jackets and vests, perhaps adding some patches or some
hand-painted design, but this is a specialty, niche market and the price of
these items reflects that. If you go this route, you will get quality and a one
of a kind item, which, again, is definitely reflected in the price. But you
don’t see these custom designs sitting on store shelves; they’re typically only
offered through the designer’s webstore or perhaps at the designer’s booth if
they vend at events. And honestly, when factoring the materials cost and the
time that these creators have put into their work, they probably aren’t
charging enough to account for the retail mark-up that many stores like to
charge. They aren’t exactly the kind of
items that you’d be likely to find collecting dust in the racks of a retail
store.
After all of
that rambling, it boils down to the battle vest being a collection of stories
and adventures, tied together by a love of music. If you were to walk in and
grab a fully adorned battle vest off a hanger, you lose all of the stories and
authenticity that goes hand in hand. You are no longer getting a ‘custom’
product. You haven’t invested the time
that everyone else with a battle jacket has. You haven’t put in the work
yourself. You’ve failed to understand that a battle jacket is truly more than
just an item of clothing and in the opinion of this metal head, you’ve defeated
the purpose of owning one.
