Pre-Made Patch Vests: What The Fuck?

(Excuse the expletive title, but it truly is an appropriate representation of my feelings.)

           

The battle vest, patch vest, jacket… Whatever you refer to it as, it’s an essential piece in the closet of many metalheads. Once upon a time, a post appeared on a local store’s social media page suggesting that they should sell pre-made or pre-assembled battle jackets. My first reaction was an immediate, resounding exclamation of “what the fuck? Seriously?”. Followed by laughter, followed by a slight feeling of offense. Surprising how such an offhand comment could elicit such an emotional response and still leave me discussing it, and frankly, still shaking my head in bewilderment countless weeks later.

            Battle vests are such an integral piece of clothing within the metal community. They are an expression of individuality and a symbol of comradery. All in the form of a seemingly simple piece of outerwear covered in a multitude of band patches. Go to any metal show or festival and you’ll see a variety of battle jackets. Each one is somewhat unique, showcasing the wearer’s individual style and some of the bands that they enjoy. So, the question becomes one of how a pre-made battle jacket fits into the picture. In my opinion, the answer is pretty simple. It doesn’t. Which leads to another question: why doesn’t it work, and why would a long-time metalhead have such strong feelings about it?

            Consider the battle jackets you’ve seen. They’re all different. Some follow specific themes, containing all thrash bands, following a colour theme such as exclusively black and white patches, some with a random splattering of bands from numerous sub-genres. Some are denim, usually either black or dark blue. Leather is another popular choice, particularly amongst black metal listeners. Pins and spikes are other common adornments. Some jackets are pristine, others look like they’ve seen their fair share of mosh pits and spilled beer. Battle vests can become a conversation point. Many conversations are started with “hey, sick ‘insert band name here’ patch!”.

            Battle vests should tell a story. And not just a story about walking into a store, grabbing one off a hanger and ending there. While some choose to acquire all of their chosen patches before constructing a vest, others build their vests over time, adding patches as they’re acquired. They often represent years of investment in time, planning and money. At least on the surface. Talk to many owners of a battle vest and they’ll probably relay a story about acquiring those patches. Some acquisitions involve scouring the internet for hours in search of that specific, perfect find. Depending on personal opinions (and maybe ethics), sometimes that perfect find isn’t even officially licensed or endorsed, but usually represents something rare. (Case in point: one of the Morbid patches on my own jacket).

            Many other patches are acquired online through the individual webshops of bands. Sometimes contacting a smaller band directly will result in new additions to the battle jacket as well. These finds always feel a bit more satisfying than buying from a wholesaler or big record label website, but it all depends on what a particular metalhead listens to. For example, you’d be pretty likely to find an Iron Maiden patch almost anywhere that sells patches but you’d have a more difficult time finding a patch from a small folk metal band. Either way, opening the mail is always exciting when you’re waiting for new patches to arrive.

            Other times it becomes a mission to hunt down patches at shops that sell band merch and music. With these becoming fewer and farer between, it’s a small victory to actually find something good. Sometimes the best shops are in other cities and it becomes an excuse for a road trip, or a hunt to find other neat local stores when venturing away from home. Usually it’s a good excuse to do something with friends and hopefully snag that unique patch before your friend notices.

            Of course some of the best stories behind patches come from the ones acquired at shows. They’re a reminder forever after of that particular concert, brining back memories and points to reminisce over. It’s always a bonus when bands bring patches as part of their touring merch, especially considering they’re usually fairly priced and there’s no shipping costs or wait times to contend with.

            As previously mentioned, creating an individual vest is a major investment of time and money. If you hand-sew your patches, you know exactly how much time it takes. And the amount of times you inevitably stab your fingers. Even with a sewing machine, it’s pretty time-consuming unless you’re very adept at sewing. Plus, that comes with it’s own challenges of broken needles, re-threading bobbins and having sewing machines ‘explode’ in the process, taking hours and endless frustration to put back together without an instruction manual. (That one is from personal experience). Admittedly, I’ve also lost a few patches along the way that I still can’t find, despite ripping my house apart in pursuit of them. I doubt I’m the only one who has experienced this frustration.

            Looking strictly at the money aspect, it would be, quite frankly, stupid for any store to sell a pre-assembled battle jacket. To start with, a new vest or jacket (not thrifted, up-cycled etc) is going to likely be a minimum of fifty bucks. Start adding the cost of patches, and you’re talking a good chunk of money. A back patch probably runs somewhere in the realm of twenty dollars, give or take. Looking at my own vest as an example, the average cost of smaller individual patches is between seven and eight dollars, factoring in differing prices and shipping costs paid on some of them. Currently, I have fifty-one patches and a back patch, some of which aren’t even sewn onto my vest yet. Using seven dollars and fifty cents as an average price, and adding in another twenty for the back patch, that’s slightly over four hundred dollars worth of patches. Granted, that has been spread over many years, but it’s still a staggering amount of money for something that seems pretty simple. And I didn’t add the cost of the vest itself, as it was a gift.

 Considering this, plus the labour involved, there is no way that any store is going to be able to add their profit margin into the mix and have a product sitting on a shelf that someone is willing to pay the asking price for.  (This immediately comes to mind concerning the particular store in which the original social media comment was directed toward as they tend to charge some pretty outrageous markups). There are some very talented individuals willing to do custom orders for jackets and vests, perhaps adding some patches or some hand-painted design, but this is a specialty, niche market and the price of these items reflects that. If you go this route, you will get quality and a one of a kind item, which, again, is definitely reflected in the price. But you don’t see these custom designs sitting on store shelves; they’re typically only offered through the designer’s webstore or perhaps at the designer’s booth if they vend at events. And honestly, when factoring the materials cost and the time that these creators have put into their work, they probably aren’t charging enough to account for the retail mark-up that many stores like to charge.  They aren’t exactly the kind of items that you’d be likely to find collecting dust in the racks of a retail store.

After all of that rambling, it boils down to the battle vest being a collection of stories and adventures, tied together by a love of music. If you were to walk in and grab a fully adorned battle vest off a hanger, you lose all of the stories and authenticity that goes hand in hand. You are no longer getting a ‘custom’ product.  You haven’t invested the time that everyone else with a battle jacket has. You haven’t put in the work yourself. You’ve failed to understand that a battle jacket is truly more than just an item of clothing and in the opinion of this metal head, you’ve defeated the purpose of owning one.

"Only Print Is Real" - An Article You Should Read

I recently read a really good article about the interest in books about extreme metal titled ‘Only Print Is Real: How We Entered the Golden Age of Extreme Metal Books’ by Kevin Stewart-Panko. I believe the article is published in the September issue of Decibel magazine, but I found it through Decibel’s website. As a fairly avid reader, and someone who has a shelf full of music related reading material, I was immediately interested.

I own several of the books mentioned in the article. Sounds Of The Beast is one that I bought but still haven’t managed to read in entirety. Honestly, I found it pretty dry but it is a history book, after all. I bought Lords Of Chaos years ago and thoroughly enjoyed it, even on the first read, when I was just beginning to discover black metal. Even if the stories are embellished, it’s an entertaining read and piques the curiousity into investigating the events described further. I also have Swedish Death Metal by Daniel Ekeroth and have read most of it (although completely out of order). It’s one that I really want to take the time to sit down and go through, page by page, while listening to the albums discussed. It’s an amazing resource for anyone interested in the Swedish death metal scene, full of great writing, interesting interviews, rare pictures and comprehensive lists.

One of the statements in the ‘Only Print Is Real’ article that should ring true with any ‘younger’ extreme metal listener is that these books are now allowing events to be placed into context. Which can only happen once some period of time has passed. Many of the authors of these books were there experiencing the beginnings of certain metal scenes. The author mentions that the ‘younger’ fans missed a large part of the history as it was happening, which is entirely true. Although I don’t consider myself that young anymore, I’m certainly young enough to have missed out on most of that history. The article also states that it’s hard to understand the context of albums twenty years later when listening in isolation, but many of these books are now able to provide that context for those who want to know.

Another discussion point of the article that rang particularly true to myself regards creating a different mental atmosphere with printed media, as opposed to the rapid-fire digital information dispersal that so many now rely on. There are merits to both, but I prefer a physical book when I want to delve deeply into a topic. Books allow for so much more focus, free of pop-up ads, distractions and random interruptions. Plus they have a better flow. These are the same reasons why I often still write drafts of ideas, reviews or papers by hand, even though it’s more time consuming.

For anyone who has ever given a thought to the merits of books or physical copies of music as opposed to digital dispersal of the same, this article is worth reading.

https://www.decibelmagazine.com/2017/09/13/print-real-entered-golden-age-extreme-metal-books/#.WblGS9d6DSU.facebook

The Speed Clothes Saga: My Experience

I debated for months whether to publicly air my complaints with Speed Clothes. After chatting privately with numerous other metal women who have had the same issues, I feel that I am justified in doing so. After all, you won’t find an even slightly negative review or legitimate complaint in the online world unless you REALLY dig. Any comments that the company’s owner doesn’t agree with are almost instantly deleted from any of the Speed Clothes social media pages. The ones I’ve managed to see haven’t been out of line, rude or condescending. The posters have asked legitimate questions and posted queries about why they have not received any reply to private messages or emails directly to the company after multiple attempts at contact. Many of these women have also been addressed very unprofessionally (and often downright rudely) by the owner of the company.

Keep reading to see what spawned this...

My experience is no different. Before I even get into that part of the story, I wanted to speak to the quality of the products themselves. I own two pairs of leggings from Speed Clothes, both of which I purchased this spring. One was purchased through another website selling Speed Clothes merchandise and one was purchased through the official Speed Clothes website. Both are the same size. Supposedly. The Månegarm leggings I purchased fit much smaller than the Desaster leggings I purchased. Despite the labels claiming they are the same size. This seems to be a common issue with the products, based on the other women I’ve spoken to who have purchased multiple items. (Buyer beware: apparently the bikini bottoms fit incredibly small). Another issue that I’ve observed is differences in the quality of the spandex fabric itself. One pair of my leggings is crafted from extremely lightweight spandex that goes semi-translucent when subjected to the slightest stretching. The other pair is a better quality spandex, but still not what I was hoping for considering the price I paid for the leggings. I’m used to leggings in that price range being of a similar quality as brands such as Under Armour, so I was slightly disappointed. I own fifteen dollar leggings that are of a higher quality than first mentioned pair. Needless to say, after knowing about Speed Clothes for years I was a bit dismayed to discovered the product quality differences for myself.

Now, to speak to my biggest complaint: the customer service experience. I’ve never been treated so discourteously by any company I have bought merchandise from, small or large. Typically smaller and specialized companies make an effort to communicate with their customers, but don’t expect Speed Clothes to do this UNLESS you write something that the owner doesn’t agree with on one of their social media pages. Then expect an immediate response, likely followed by your comment and the subsequent replies being deleted lest someone else see them. If it’s not glowing praise of the company, it will probably disappear.  Which I find to be a dishonest business practice when the comments are initially trying to address a concern that is ignored through every other method of contact. I wish I had been able to take screen shots of more of the crude replies that I received from Speed Clothes but I was unable to do so before they were deleted by the company’s owner. I didn’t delete any of my comments or replies as I believe in the integrity of standing behind a publicly made statement.

In the above screenshots, multiple comments made by Speed Clothes have mysteriously disappeared before I could take a screenshot. 

My experience begins with placing a pre-order on February 15^th for a pair of leggings that were supposed to be released within a few days. The pre-order date was subsequently changed due to production delays. Initially this wasn’t too upsetting as it can happen. Literally a handful of release date push-backs later, it became concerning as I’d already paid for merchandise I had yet to receive. Throughout the process, I made a few attempts to contact Speed Clothes through email and their messenger service. I received one reply in March and was completely ignored in the following months. After the first few times, I began taking screenshots each time the pre-order release date was changed in case my product was never to be seen. Upon seeing that Speed Clothes had given away a pair of the same leggings that I had ordered through an Instagram post where they were received by the contest winner (and observing that the item was still on pre-order status), I inquired on the Instagram post itself. I was in informed that the ones given away were misprints, which I don’t believe was disclosed on the original contest posting. Dishonesty in it’s finest. At this point I was also told they’d ship later due to trouble with the graphics in one of the very few private messages that Speed Clothes answered. On May 16^th, I made a post on my Instagram account expressing my hopes for a shipping notification, as the release date was listed as May 15^th at that time. This was where it started. In a comment by Speed Clothes, which was quickly removed by whoever posted it, I was scolded and told that Speed Clothes didn’t “appreciate the unfriendly shout out”. I guess it was unreasonable to be slightly impatient three months later…

Not the first, or last, time it was suggested my paid-for order be cancelled. After the conversations that occurred, I was unsure if I'd get my money back in a timely manner if I did cancel. 

Again, this was after multiple attempts at respectfully contacting the company hoping for any kind of reply, timely update or explanation as to what was going on. It was suggested by the owner (or whoever was making Instagram posts on her behalf) that my order could be cancelled, or that I should cancel it myself. Unfortunately I was unable to screenshot the public post where she told me that I obviously don’t understand what a pre-order means, and that any “true metalhead” would understand how pre-orders work. Insulting your customers is not the way to go when running a business. I’ve never had a pre-order item pushed back multiple times and I’ve made too many band merch pre-orders in the last ten years to even count. These have been made through distribution companies, record labels, Amazon, and directly through bands themselves and never have I been treated so rudely by anyone representing any of those companies or bands. Even after a comment was publicly posted by Speed Clothes telling me to message them privately, they continued to ignore any private message.

I’ve chosen to include the relevant screenshots I was able to capture in order to allow others to see how I was treated over something that should not have been an issue in the first place. Personally, I’m not sure I’d even be allowing people to pay for merchandise before it’s available if I expected any kind of delay. It’s only frustrating and disappointing for the customer when deadlines aren’t met. But if dealt with in a respectful manner, further issues can be avoided. I find the kind of replies I received after finally discovering a way to NOT be ignored completely childish, downright rude and completely disrespectful, especially when coming from a business owner and directed at a customer. To delete comments from customers and purposefully erase every slightly negative comment is greasy. If you want to promote on social media, allow truthful and honest feedback. While erasing anything perceived as negative might solve the issue for the time being, I would think it would ultimately hurt the credibility of Speed Clothes itself. If I was running a business, this would be concerning, but apparently the appropriate and respectful treatment of customers is not a priority for Speed Clothes.

I’ve chatted with a few women who have been long-time, loyal customers and they have recently been treated the same (or worse) than I was. This is a company that I will definitely not be supporting again. I finally wrote this rant of a post in the hopes that some of the other metal women out there will be able to take this into consideration if they’re thinking of ordering from Speed Clothes. I’m sure there are positive customer experiences, but it’s also important for the negative ones to see the light of day.  Potential customers should be able to make educated decisions about where to spend their money. Normally I’m someone who attempts to deal with issues one-on-one, through private messages or email communications. And I tried to do so before this situation escalated into what it became. Normally I wouldn’t publicly air complaints in this manner but after hearing from multiple others in the same situation, I felt this needed to get out there. At least others might get a sense that they're not the only ones experiencing these issues.

The following are from the point where I began to screenshot the changing shipping dates. Keep in mind that the original ship date was mid-February. 

Loud As Hell, Broke As Fuck: A Weekend At Drumheller's Loud As Hell Festival

August 4-6^th, 2017

“Loud As Hell, Drunk As Fuck” seems to be the official moniker for this fantastic metal festival held just outside Drumheller, AB. Even the little kids in attendance were shouting this with fervor by the end of the weekend, probably much to the dismay of their teachers when asked what they did over the summer when it’s time to go back to school. Anyways, if you’re in Western Canada and looking for a festival to hit up, this is the one to check out. I’ve been to a few Western Canadian festivals (with plans to check out a few others in the future), and Loud As Hell is my favourite.

The venue is perfectly suited to this kind of event. With an indoor stage, it doesn’t matter if it’s pouring rain. Which, like all festivals, it’s almost guaranteed to do. The indoor venue also provides a welcome relief from the sun and actually remains a pretty reasonable temperature even when packed with sweaty moshers. There’s plenty of room for vendors to set up and the band merch table was well stocked and well-run by volunteers. A second small stage allowed for short clinics by some of the musicians and various talks from industry professionals such as promoters. The festival grounds provide plenty of space for tents and for those camping with motorhomes and trailers, as well as easy entry and exit if you choose to make the quick trip into Drumheller to grab something you forgot, to have a shower, or to check out all the neat stuff the town has to offer. Of course you can drink your own booze in the camping areas, but alcohol inside the venue was also reasonably priced with a decent selection if you didn’t want to miss out on any of the action.

Friday night saw a torrential rainstorm come through the area. Most people seemed prepared with raincoats and waterproof footwear, which is a must considering the ground around Drumheller doesn’t absorb water and quickly turns into a greasy mud pit. (Kudos to the festival staff who somehow managed to keep the floor inside the venue clean despite pounds of mud being tracked in). Edmonton thrashers Mortillery and death metallers Eye Of Horus were the highlights of the night for me, with Eye of Horus filling in last minute for a band that was unable to make it.

Saturday morning dawned spectacularly foggy for anyone who was up early enough to witness it. I never thought I’d be complaining about humidity in Drumheller, but Saturday proved to be sunny and humid, which didn’t stop the party from continuing. With plenty of great and varied bands on the bill, there was something for everyone. I tried to check out as many as I could, enjoying The Lucifer Project and Tyrant’s Demise in the early evening. Travelling from Winnipeg, it’s bands like Tyrant’s Demise (and the fans who also travel hours to festivals) that prove that the Western Canadian metal scene is alive and well. Taking the party into the later stages of the evening, The Order of Chaos and Planet Eater both played great sets. They were followed by a performance from Permafrost Suspensions, which if you like things to get a little strange (a relative term, I might add) and aren’t squeamish, was worth checking out. The headliner of the night, Vancouver’s mighty thrash veterans, Aggression, played a blistering set, leaving me half deaf for the rest of the weekend. A reasonable crowd stuck around until after three in the morning to enjoy an impressive range of eighties metal covers performed by Shocker. Seriously, any band that plays a WASP cover and nails it is good in my books.

Sunday saw more than a few hangovers, and plenty of people still ready to drink more booze and enjoy more great metal. Dead Asylum proved to be my favourite ‘undiscovered’ band of the weekend. Scythia played a set that was very different to any of the other sets I’ve witnessed them perform, bringing Brian Langley (better known as the vocalist of Aggression) on stage to play guitar for a few songs. I’d bet some of us didn’t previously know that he actually played in Scythia for a short time. To cap off the weekend, Battlecross finished the night to a packed house. Flying in to play, they managed to re-energize a crowd that had just spent the entire weekend drinking, partying and headbanging.

Overall, I can’t say enough about how well organized and smoothly run Loud As Hell was. The venue was fantastic, the volunteers did an amazing job and the bands played outstanding sets. Although I’m now completely broke (hence the title of this post), Loud As Hell was worth every nickel spent.